Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
