What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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