There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
