she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
