Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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