A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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