It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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