Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
