LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
