yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
