so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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