I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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