my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
