No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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