I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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