he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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