Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
