I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
