You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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