Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
