whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
