Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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