She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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