By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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