Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
