okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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