found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
