The maid of honor just puked.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
