4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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