You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
my poor anus
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
