I faked an abortion last night.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
