So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
