where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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