Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
