She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
