I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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