Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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