We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize