OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
