Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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