Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
