he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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