Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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