I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
there is glitter all over my balls
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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