I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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