You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize