R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
