can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
