wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
