"it" just moved
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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