Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
