I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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