Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
