I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
