Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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