his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
