South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
