At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
