she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
