yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
