he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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