Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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