Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
