if i can run in heels then i can drive
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
