I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
