remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize