he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
