jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
