I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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