Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
