Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize