What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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