I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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