he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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