one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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