i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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