Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
