We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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