Small penises have feelings too.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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