handjob tips. give me some.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
