you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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