I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
