my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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