I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
