If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
