whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
