Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
