maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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