just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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