I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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