Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
