Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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