I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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