She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
