the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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