No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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