I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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