He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
