So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
