Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
