I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
