I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
